zorb: (Bitches - SG)
zorb ([personal profile] zorb) wrote2006-01-06 12:11 am

Fic - SGA - Real Women Are Not a Committee

Title: Real Women Are Not a Committee
Requested by: [livejournal.com profile] tielan for the Female Gen Ficathon.
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Takes place between "Duet" and "Trinity."
Character(s): Teyla, guest starring everyone else.
Element/Prompt (and also summary, hah!): They don't need Luke Skywalker, come to rescue them.
Disclaimer: The characters of Stargate Atlantis do not belong to me, nor do those of Star Wars. I own nothing but my plot.


Teyla Emmagan was proud of her ability to understand other people’s minds and hearts with relatively little effort. Her father had called it a natural intuition, born from the same source as her sense of the Wraith. Teyla simply saw it as picking up on the verbal and physical signs people betrayed without even knowing it.

Even after a year in Atlantis, though, she still found herself mystified by some of its inhabitants and their behaviors.

It was not unusual to enter the dining hall and find Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay at odds with one another over breakfast (or any meal), and so they were when she entered today. She hedged a bet with herself about the subject of their heated debate as she filled her tray. Not likely personnel, as Ronon was sitting with them and they weren’t making any effort at secrecy. Nor would they discuss official business in such an environment. She bet herself an extra dessert at dinner that it had to do with yet another transgression Sheppard had made on McKay’s territory and went to join them.

“Good morning,” she cut in. Ronon nodded as he continued to eschew cutlery. McKay grunted something that could have been a greeting around his mouthful of food. Sheppard waved her into the empty seat at the table.

Such were mornings among the men of Atlantis.

While Sheppard could often be counted on for a return greeting, today he was far too focused on his opponent across the table. “Look, Rodney, all I’m saying is that if it were that important, then he wouldn’t’ve changed it when he fixed everything else.”

McKay hastily swallowed. “Fixed? Fixed? Colonel, I can’t believe you said that. You have just lost all geek cred you ever earned.” He waved his fork at Sheppard in reproof.

“Just because I’m willing to accept that he might have made the mistake the first time-”

“No, no, no, it changes the entire meaning of the scene,” McKay interrupted, still waving his fork. “Han shot first.”

“Someone was shot?” Teyla asked in astonishment.

“Greedo,” answered McKay.

Teyla was growing alarmed when Sheppard stepped in. “Characters in a movie, Teyla. They’re not real people – to most of us, anyway,” he added.

McKay responded with a withering glare.

“And what movie is this?” asked Teyla, hoping to forestall another argument.

Star Wars,” replied McKay, “only one of the most important films of all time. You can’t deny that.”

“I never said it wasn’t!” exclaimed Sheppard. “I like it as much as the next guy, and I’ll bet I spent as much time playing with toy lightsabres and X-Wings as a kid as you did.”

“But you didn’t build your own Death Star, did you?” said McKay with a smirk.

“What is Star Wars about?” Teyla broke in again.

“It’s a series of science fiction movies about a rebellion against an evil galactic empire,” Sheppard explained.

“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away,” McKay intoned reverently.

“Right. Anyway, it’s basically a struggle between two sides of the Force,” Sheppard continued.

“The Force?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s kind of this special…energy…thing…” He looked to McKay for help.

McKay rolled his eyes and picked up the story. “The Force is an energy field created by all living things that surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.”

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. “You’re quoting, aren’t you?”

“People can learn to harness the powers of the Force to perform telepathy and telekinesis, among other things,” McKay continued without answering him. “It’s a little like your Wraith-sense, actually, but more versatile.” Noticing there was still food on his plate, McKay stopped talking in order to attend to it.

“This Force is something your people believe in, then?” Teyla asked.

Sheppard shook his head. “Nah, it’s just for the movie.” He went on to explain the major highlights of the plot and characters, with ample help from McKay. Teyla tried to follow them, but Sheppard and McKay’s apparent love for the subject often exacted a toll on their clarity. They spoke of characters called Luke and Vader, strange planets and something that looked like a moon but wasn’t, and something else that looked like a planet but was a moon, mechanical beings that behaved like humans, monsters and vessels and weapons that all swam together in Teyla’s head.

McKay was just in the midst of raving about the physics of explosions in space when he went for a drink of his coffee and came up empty. “Need more,” he mumbled, getting up and heading straight for the source.

Teyla turned to Sheppard, curious. “Tell me, Colonel, are there any female characters in your Star Wars?”

“Oh, sure,” he replied. “Princess Leia. She’s the reason they go to the first Death Star, to rescue her. Didn’t I say that?”

“She is the sister of…Luke Skywalker, is she not?”

“That’s the one.”

“And what else does she do in the story?”

“Who?” asked McKay, returning to the table.

“Leia,” Sheppard said.

“Ah, my first true love,” McKay reminisced. Sheppard snorted and received a glare in return. “Oh, come on! You can’t tell me you were above the gold bikini.”

Teyla’s eyebrows shot up. “The what?” She was familiar enough with Earth culture to recognize what they were speaking of – or what it sounded like, anyway. She looked at Ronon, who shrugged.

“She has to wear it when she’s captured by Jabba to be his slave girl,” McKay explained.

“On the Death Star?” she asked.

“No, this is a different time, after that,” Sheppard said. “The chains were kind of hot, but I liked the hair on Cloud City best,” he continued to McKay.

“Suit yourself. I had you pegged as a Han Solo wannabe before, but you might make a better Lando,” McKay commented, resulting in Sheppard’s cry of indignation. “What? Okay, fine, you can go back to being a hotshot pilot,” he relented.

Mollified, Sheppard examined the crust of his toast. “I always wanted to be Luke, actually.”

“Really?” asked McKay in surprise. “Huh. I never would have guessed that.”

Sheppard shrugged, discarded the crust, and stood up. “Training,” he said to Ronon, who rose as well. “See you guys later.” The two of them took their trays and left. McKay was not far behind them, mumbling something about an experiment as he headed back to the coffee cart for a last refill before leaving.

“May I join you?”

Teyla looked up to see Doctor Weir holding a tray of her own. “Of course,” she replied. “You are late to breakfast today.”

“The biology department had an urgent request for me to meet them this morning,” Weir said, digging into her food with relish, though more decorum than Teyla’s prior companions.

“Nothing wrong, I hope?” she asked.

“No, not at all. Apparently, some of the ocean wildlife perform a certain behavior only at this time of day,” she explained, adding wryly, “I could have waited for the video.”

Teyla smiled faintly and returned to moving her food around her plate.

Weir set down her fork. “Teyla? Is everything all right?”

“Doctor Weir, are you familiar with the film Star Wars?” she asked.

“Yes, of course. One of my favorites, as a matter of fact,” Weir replied. “Why?”

Teyla frowned. “Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay were speaking of it this morning. I must admit that I am concerned about some of what they said about this story, if it truly has the widespread influence they have indicated.”

“I see,” said Weir. “What were they saying about it?”

“I was primarily concerned with their description of Princess Leia. Given your position here, Doctor Weir, I was surprised to learn that such a popular film in your culture would show a female only as a victim to be rescued.”

“Is that what they told you?” Weir asked, eyebrows raised.

“They did not give me any further information than that, and something about metallic swimwear,” Teyla replied.

Weir shook her head. “Somehow, I’m not surprised. Teyla, Star Wars does represent a certain male fantasy that is unfortunately not as outdated in our society as it should be, but Leia’s character does far more than wait around to be rescued.” She leaned forward. “I happen to know that a certain biologist who owes me one brought the films as his personal item. Why don’t we watch them together this evening? I can explain the parts the boys left out and you can see for yourself what they’re talking about.”

Teyla smiled. “I look forward to it, Doctor Weir.”


A week later, all thoughts of droids and wookiees were gone from Teyla’s mind as she and her team took cover behind a fallen tree, alternating popping up to fire back against the onslaught attacking them. An exploratory mission had gone awry when the supposedly uninhabited planet had turned out to house a Genii outpost. Their numbers were few, but the team from Atlantis’s were still fewer, and the Genii had their path back to the puddle jumper – the path being a broad, open field – well-covered from their protected position underneath an overhanging cliff.

Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay were arguing alternatives between shots, but neither solution was truly viable. They knew it as well as Teyla did, which of course was why they continued to argue, hoping someone else would come up with a better plan.

What they needed, she thought, was a distraction. There was no need for them to eliminate the Genii force entirely; all they had to do was prevent them from firing long enough to get to the jumper. The superior weapons from Earth were holding their enemies off from charging for the time being, but they all knew it would not be long before the Genii were able to call up reinforcements to surround them.

As Sheppard rose up to fire another round in an attempt to keep the Genii at bay, Teyla peered cautiously around the trunk. The Genii were tucked in an enclave at the cliff’s base, and mostly hidden from the Atlantis team by a few large boulders. She followed the low cliff to either side – no help – and then, curious as to where the boulders might have come from, scanned up the wall, which curved out in front of its base, providing the Genii with a natural roof –

- on which rested a pile of boulders of all shapes and sizes.

Teyla had to duck back around the log as a shot came too close to its mark. When she looked back, the solution was clear.

There was no time to lose. Teyla dug out a hand grenade from her bag. “Cover me!” she called over the din, unpinning the miniature bomb.

Ronon did not even look up from his focused firing. McKay yelled, “Are you crazy?” Sheppard looked at her in confusion but instinctively jumped to comply.

Teyla shot up and hurled the ticking grenade at the cliff-top pile of rocks. As soon as it was released, she dropped down again to watch its too-slow progress, holding her breath and silently willing it to reach its target. It would make it…it would almost make it…it was going to fall short…

The grenade did fall short, but only so short as to miss the rock pile and impact the cliff overhang immediately below it instead. Her team froze, then ducked reflexively in the explosion and rumble that followed. But Teyla watched as the dirt and rock crumbled, fell apart, and dropped to the ground, followed by the boulders the cliff had been supporting.

The roar of the fall was deafening, and the ensuing crash and dust made it almost impossible to see the results, but Teyla squinted and saw what she needed. “GO!” she yelled.

Ronon did not need to be told twice but took off running across the field. McKay and Sheppard, after a glance at each other and Teyla’s work, followed soon after. Teyla only spared one more look back at where the rocks and dust now blocked the Genii hideout before joining them in a mad sprint to the jumper.

Sheppard had the jumper powered up and ready to take off before they were all in their seats, and as they rose above the planet’s surface, they could see the Genii reinforcements running to help their comrades. The weapons at this outpost were nowhere near capable of taking down a jumper, however, so Teyla relaxed back in her seat and closed her eyes as Sheppard flew them towards the gate.

Sensing eyes on her, she opened them again to find all of her teammates looking at her in astonishment.

She raised an eyebrow in response. “Somebody had to save our skins.”

Ronon blinked. McKay’s jaw dropped. Sheppard smirked and shook his head. “Dial the gate, Rodney.”

As McKay did so, Teyla smiled, imagining Doctor Weir’s response to the coming debriefing. And although she had lost her previous bet with herself, Teyla decided that tonight, she had definitely earned that extra dessert.

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